Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize