I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
