now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
