Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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