btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
