There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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