My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
