i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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