I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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