But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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