you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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