How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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