Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
