Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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