im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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