I wish I could teleport
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
