How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
