he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
