Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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