Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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