dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize