I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A+ Viking dick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
