Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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