That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
