Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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