I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
