If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
