I cannot find my penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
