Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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