I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
