it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
