i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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