Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
