Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
