i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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