If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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