We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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