she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we're so committed to being not committed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
