today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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