sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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