i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
