just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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