Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
