She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
