please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
