He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
