i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
