just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
