mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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