worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
