You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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