fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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