So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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