No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
