he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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