Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
