I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
