That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
