This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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