I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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