My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish my penis had an off switch
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
