I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
