On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
