You really coming over, don't trick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
