why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
