it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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