I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
