Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
