Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
