I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
