plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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