I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
