i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize