Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
